The Parade of College Bowl Names

It is college bowl season, which means pageantry, traditions, occasionally empty upper decks, and, best of all, a rich tapestry of monikers affixed to the games themselves. Let's watch the parade of college bowl names, and see the winners of the major awards. In the tradition of the "Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl" and "The IBM OS2 Fiesta Bowl" (cool, I still use OS2 as my OS, too), bowl names can be as entertaining as the games themselves. Here are the winners, as they parade past the Norton Simon Museum:

Winner of the "Sounds Like a Recessive Genetic Condition Award" goes to the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Winner of "Why Do We Need a 'Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl' With All This Food Around Trophy," narrowly beating out the Little Caesars Bowl, Chick-fil-A Bowl, and the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, goes to the Beef O'Brady's Bowl!

Winner of the "Could Be An Abbott and Costello Routine Trophy" goes to the TicketCity Bowl, which will be played in the Cotton Bowl, while the Cotton Bowl game will be played at Cowboys Stadium (e.g., "So you are headed to the Cotton Bowl?" "Yes, to see TicketCity Bowl" "I thought you needed to go to the Cotton Bowl".....)

Winner of "Another Game People Will Only Watch For the Commercials Award" goes to the GODADDY.com Bowl

Winner of "Someday Archeologists Will Build Definitive Hypotheses Based on Its Name Award" goes to the Outback Bowl, which in the future will be discovered by archeologists who will postulate that Tampa Bay was inhabited by Australians who held an annual Australian Rules Football game. Certainly the local findings of white belts and shoes indicates dapperly dressed officials.

Winner of the "Clara Peller Where's the Beef? Trophy" goes to the Military Bowl, featuring East Carolina and Maryland. Reminds me of a joke my grandmother would tell over and over. Customer says, "Waiter, there is no chicken in the chicken soup!" and the waiter replies, "Well, there is no horse in the horseradish, either." Didn't say she was a funny grandmother. Maybe she would have done better with some topical, "There is no military in the Military Bowl" material.

Winner of the "I Don't Care, I Still Buy American Trophy" is a tie among the AutoZone Liberty Bowl, the Meineke Car Care Bowl, and the Maaco Bowl.

Winner of "Less Is, Well, Less Minimalist Award" goes to the Texas Bowl, narrowly beating out the New Mexico Bowl. When I was a kid during the non-sponsor days, I thought the Houston's Bluebonnet Bowl was named for a margarine, because I was not familiar with the state flower Texas Bluebonnet. Now that everything is sponsored, Houston goes with Texas Bowl. Come on, can't we get the margarine maker and the Houston bowl organizers together to give this bowl a proper name with an historical nod? And I once attended the Zia Bowl in 1980 in the same stadium as today's New Mexico Bowl is played. A guy in the stands had a made for TV sign reading, "What the Hell is a Zia?!" Bring back the Zia! We are missing out on some great LOL-worthy signage Albuquerque-ans!

Winner of the "Do the brick and mortar schools realize they are giving airtime to online alternatives? Trophy" goes to the Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl

And finally, the "Sweepstakes Trophy, For The Year's Best Bowl Name" goes to.....the AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl!!! The AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl scored high points in the "Sounds like an electric toothbrush" category and "Might as well be called the Placebo Bowl" scale for this bowl named for a multivitamin.

Close runner up for this prestigious award was BBVA Compass Bowl which did well in the "A bank that sounds like a GPS device" scoring, and third place goes to the uDrove Humanitarian Bowl. The aforementioned Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl also had a solid showing.